DAY 2: Germans, Fat Dancers and Fears

Today has been okay overall.  I met with 2 clients and then got swamped with phone calls and questions, so I got side-tracked from my plan to get some solid paperwork done today.  That’s frustrating.  On top of all this, I wanted something quick and easy for breakfast and I am surely thinking that what I ate wasn’t worth all the points I spent on it.  Oh well, live and learn.

The other issue that rose today was for the first time in a while a lot of folks were in my office and we went to lunch!  I totally behaved myself and had a very lovely and luscious meal for only 9 points at Ruby Tuesdays.  I felt very good about this, and realized that I could go out with everyone and still be in control.  Sadly, when we returned to the office a huge migraine started to roll into my head like dark clouds over a prairie.  I’m still dealing with that headache because all I got on hand is Excedrin Migraine and that has caffeine in it.  Damn it!  To get a migraine the night before my nuclear stress test which means, NO caffeine 24 hours before the test.  URGH.

This does lead me to my fears for tomorrow.  I’m worried about the contrast dye, I’m worried about not being able to keep up, and I’m worried about what they might find.  I’m hoping they won’t find ANYTHING of worry or concern, but I feel a lot better exploring the concerns rather than letting things go and not dealing with whatever realities I may have.  I need to get to bed at a decent hour so I can get up because I’m due at the doctor’s office at 7 AM.  Again, URGH…and that is without caffeine.

So one good and bright spot of the day is that my Rosetta Stone German arrived today!  I have already installed it and have actually completed 1 lesson on Level 1 (scored all A’s too!)  I have picked up a lot over my years as a daughter of a German immigrant, and that will undoubtedly help me on this journey to finally learn how to speak and understand another language.  I think I’m going to do another lesson tonight.  I’m pretty excited and happy about it.  I will keep you posted on my thoughts about the program as they form.  It’s too early to tell.

So, as I wrap this up tonight, I’m watching the Season Finale of Oxygen’s Dance Your Ass Off!  I want to be on this program so bad, but I mean who can afford to take off from work and be on a reality TV show?  Sadly, not I.  So I’m watching my DVR copy and am routing for Ruben or Shayla (the girl from PA annoys me so much – sorry, she just does).  I’ve been very happy for the people on the show who have lost so much weight, not ridiculously like on The Biggest Loser.  It appears so much more consistent and stable to me and more realistic in general.  To be honest, I love the concept of showing that weight is not a limiting factor for being a dancer…something I feel I’ve proved through my whole life.  So…who won?  WELL UM…apparently there’s another week left.  Durf.

So that’s where I’m at…here’s what I ate today.  I missed 1 fruit/veggie today, and I’m sucking on this whole grain concept.  Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Morning
2  item(s) Breakfast Burrito	14.5
2  cup(s) water	0
Subtotal	14.5
Midday
1  serving(s) Ruby Tuesday 7oz Sirloin	5
2  serving(s) Ruby Tuesday Green Bean Side	3.5
2  cup(s) water	0
Subtotal	8.5
Evening
2  serving(s) Stouffer’s Chicken Rigatoni	11.5
Subtotal	11.5
Anytime
2  cup(s) water	0
1  item(s) Kool pops freezer bars	1
Subtotal	1
Food POINTS values total used	35.5
Food POINTS values remaining	0.5
Activity
No entries for activity.
Activity POINTS values earned	0
Check off these important items daily:
Liquids Milk & Milk Products Fruit & Vegetables Multivitamin/Mineral Healthy Oil Activity Lean Protein Whole Grains

DAY 1: Mise En Place – Life Preparations

So, today marks the first official day of a 365 day journey that will undoubtedly be one of the hardest things to maintain. However, I have decided that time only keeps moving forward. I’ve wasted so much time thus far, that I don’t want to waste any more.  I cannot.  Part of the reasoning for this decision to “journey”, comes from a “reality check”.  You see, I won the genetic lottery (note sarcasm here), whereby both of my parents appear to have some cardiac related issues.  I know for a fact that my father has; however, my mother died suddenly at the age of 58 for exact cause unknown.  Why?  My father did not want to have an autopsy.  I understood at the time, however looking back it’s left me with more questions unanswered than answered.  Let alone not having her with me here on this earth to ask questions of, get her support and unconditional love.  I miss that more than anything.  Needless to say, the cause of death was ruled to be a heart attack.  Was it though?  I don’t know.

So right now, I’m getting some tests done to see if my genetics, paired with my complete lack of disregard for my body has damaged myself.  Until recently my blood pressure has been a solid 120 over 80.  However, I’ve recently had some recurrent pain in my left arm and twinges in my chest and pain in my upper back (shoulder blades).  The arm pain was a common complaint I often heard from my mother.  She used to just say “I must have slept on it wrong,” or insert whatever good excuse you can think of.  One troubling addition in the similarities between my Mom and I is that when we exert ourselves (exercise, dance, whatever), we both get very red in the face.  Always have.  It didn’t worry me until this summer when I began dance classes in full again after 10 years of dabbling with it.  I went FULL OUT on the routine and ended up with a searing head ache and a throb that had a hard time stopping.  I paid for my attempt to relive my youth.

So, that paired with the arm pain led me to my physician.  Whom after an exam and an EKG decided I needed to have a stress test.  Things were moving way too fast!  I was actually looking for another physician due to just wanting a physician closer, and I had an appointment set up to meet with a physician my friend at work recommended.  I went.  After a thorough interview and another EKG it was decided yes, it would be a good idea to go ahead with the nuclear stress test.  So, that’s on deck for Wednesday.  I am, scared; but I am hopeful.  I am also glad that I’m checking this stuff out before it takes me outta this world much unlike my Mom who should have taken better care of herself.

So, as I embark on this journey it’s going to take a little time to get all the elements into place.  I have been half-heartedly attending WW for weeks now, but I’m serious about sticking with it Monday through Friday, no if, ands or butts (and mine is big enough for everyone).  I won’t use my 35 bonus points during the week because I’m taking the weekends off.  I had a plan to full-force start on my exercise tonight, however some chest twinges made me think twice.  I’m having the stress test on Wednesday, so if I get the all clear, I’m going to jump right into the exercise plan that I’m looking at.

I ordered my Rosetta Stone system which should be here tomorrow (sure hope there are no glitches in being Mac compatible).  I plan to get my German lessons underway tomorrow if I don’t spend the entire night trying to figure out the software.  I also called and have my name on a waiting list to take my 1 culinary class per month for August 31st at the Glass Bazaar.  Class is Backyard Pleasers…I’m praying someone drops out so I can take their place. If not, I’m stuck for a culinary class this month.

I stuck very well to my WW plan today however, even though at times I wanted to just say – “the hell with this.”  I made a deal with me, I need to stick with it.  I still have to take my multivitamin today and sadly didn’t get in a whole grain item but it’s a start.  I weigh in on Friday, so that will be the start point for my 101 pound loss.  I’m hoping to pick out my “recipe attempt” tonight too to make this weekend.  I think I’m going Mexican…but will keep you posted. Right now, the laundry is calling me so I need to go to it.  In the meantime, I am working out my mise en place for this life-challenge, and I think, within the week we’ll have everything ready for the full efforts.

In the end, I’m just a girl who doesn’t want to find out if fat girls die young.  I want to really be present in this life and I’m hoping that a year of focus will help me shed a lot of things that continue to hold me back and gain things that I have always wanted.  Simply, here’s to day one.  Thanks for reading and please feel free to let me know what you’re thinking or doing if you’re on life’s journeys too.

Here’s what I ate today:

Monday, August 24, 2009

Morning
1  serving(s) White House Healthy Plus Pomegranate	1
Subtotal	1
Midday
1  serving(s) Panera Chopped Chicken Cobb Salad	12
1  serving(s) 2oz Panera French Baguette Side	3
1  cup(s) water	0
Subtotal	15
Evening
1 1/2 serving(s) Stouffer’s Chese Manicotti	11.5
1  small slice(s) Thin Crust Cheese Pizza, Medium	4
Woodchuck Hard Cider – Quick-added food	4
Subtotal	19.5
Anytime
2  piece(s) chewing gum, with sugar	0.5
2  cup(s) water	0
Subtotal	0.5
Food POINTS values total used	36
Food POINTS values remaining	0
Activity
No entries for activity.
Activity POINTS values earned	0
Check off these important items daily:
Liquids Milk & Milk Products Fruit & Vegetables Multivitamin/Mineral Healthy Oil Activity Lean Protein Whole Grains